Route 500 Interview

[Transcript edited for clarity]

Absent Sounds: Welcome to Absent Sounds, an album play-through show here on CJAM, 99.1 fm. My name is Weadee Mombo and along with my twin sister, Weajue Mombo, we picked two albums to dive into each week, giving you interesting stories, tidbits along the way. On today's episode, we're diving into the album Island Perimeter by Route 500, and today we're joined by Route 500 . Throughout the summer, especially Route 500 nestled its way into my heart as a sort of slow core solution to a lot of the grief and pain that I was going through. I found myself being absolved of guilt and shame within a lot of the folky guitar sounds and the deep introspective lyrics. Route five hundred's debut record Island Perimeter, which came out earlier this year on April 12th, 2024, is one that allows listeners such as myself to walk the edge of our personal journeys and find what's there to discover. On today's episode of Absent Sounds, we're joined with Derek who is the mind behind Route 500 and dive in deeper into his creative process, the themes that shaped his work and what inspired such an incredible debut.

Derek Inver

Hi, I am Derek from Route 500. Thank you for having me.

Absent Sounds: What's been keeping you afloat these days or keeping you going?

Derek Inver: The sun that finally came in August. Because we started with not the best summer. And that's been keeping me through swimming and just being outdoors.

Absent Sounds: I find that always interesting when there's someone from the UK or anywhere in that area, about the Sun because the times we have visited the UK it's been very, it was like characteristically gloomy. So I do appreciate the fact that we have more sun than you guys are. Yeah,

Derek Inver: no I've had enough of it to be honest, but August has been, was really lovely and it's sunny today, so I can't complain.

Absent Sounds: I guess to jump right in, if you could take us back to anywhere along the line that you want to. It could be 10 years ago, five years ago, two minutes ago- but when did you first start with music and when did it really first take shape in your life?

Derek Inver: Probably around the time I was 18. I think music had always been a part of my life growing up, but I guess not as outwardly as it was later on in life. I think it was always a sort of secret passion, which I never really understand why it was such a secret growing up. But then I think coming out of school I had no prospects or plans to go to uni or anything, and I just started music from there, started writing songs and so that's been like 12 years now.

Absent Sounds: Sounds interesting 'cause I know for a lot of people, it's like the expected route to end up going to university and then continue on after that. But was music kind of the route that was already laid out for you? Like where you could see yourself doing it in the future? Or was it something that you're like, I don't know if this will work, or, I don't know if I'll just be able to keep doing this or support myself in that way?

Derek Inver: I don't really think, when I started I really knew what my plan was and I think at that time I was still living at home with my family, so I was lucky enough to be able to explore it without the pressure of it needing to become something. And I had busked to make money in the meantime. And that was all I needed at that moment to test it out and see where it was gonna go. I guess I had some faith in it, but at the same time I walked into it not understanding the industry or anything. And just knowing that it was something I wanted to explore. And I think at the same time it was that weird place between wanting to people to listen to my music, but I think still it being so new that I wanted no one to listen to it at the same time. And I just wanted it for myself. So I think I spent some time just exploring it inwardly before I actually realized that it was one of those things where it was like something happens for a reason and now I know that there was no other path for me. And that was always gonna be the way somehow.

Absent Sounds: Yeah, I feel like I love that definitive nature of it, at least, the idea that this is how it had to turn out or this is the only way that it would've turned out. 12 years later. Do you feel like you still feel like that assurance within music or, that's the route that you still always want to continue taking?

Derek Inver: I think definitely. I think it's the core of me. It makes total sense. I think it has been interesting actually to explore other avenues over the past few years because I think I, at points got so down the tunnel of music that I, it almost gave it too much power maybe. And I think over the last few years I've been able to focus a bit more on my personal life and exploring other avenues I might want to go down that often tie in with the music. But like with my drawing and. Photography and making sort of film and all these other interests I have that, that it's been quite healthy to realize that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. But at the same time, it's always the thing I come back to. It's always the thing I know I'm gonna always do. And it's interesting a lot of my musical friends find it as well that it's something you just can't quit. Even if you decided not to, you can't help it, but write these songs 'cause it's your outlet and your way of dealing with things and seeing the world. So yeah, it's definitely my one complete constant.

Absent Sounds: It's interesting that you mentioned having other things that you are drawn to like photography or film and also illustrations and I know, in fact, writing almost seems like it's one of those too because of the substack and how you write so beautifully with the long form. Are you a person that likes to compartmentalize and or is this kind of just like the way to put everything into one together?

Derek Inver: I think it took me a while to be able to get there. I think I did keep things very separate a few years back, but I think ever since I started this particular music project, everything's come together as a whole and it's because everything's right. And so the way I've been writing a lot of my songs comes from just writing continuous prose and documenting day-to-day things and how I'm feeling. A drawing can inspire a song. A song can inspire a drawing a photography project. It's something in particular I'm doing. It just seems to I think since starting Route 500. Route 500's become less of a music project and more of a creative world, which I didn't realize was the aim, but has become something I really enjoyed.

Absent Sounds: And to dive a little bit more into Route 500 specifically talking about the album that you just released this year a few months ago called Island Perimeter, we wanna talk a little bit about it on the large scale look for starters, what other forms did this album take before it became its final version?

Derek Inver: Interestingly, so many actually because I think I began writing this album in 2019 sort of springtime. And it's taken on so many shapes and forms and at times been a real uphill battle that looked like it was never gonna get completed. I think I'd be surprised to see the sort of product back when I started, because there were a lot of songs that seemed like definite songs that fit the meaning and everything that ended up just disappearing in some way. I was actually looking into it earlier to remind myself of it all, but I do think it's ended up being what it needs to be. And again, it's something that just once it came together, it felt right. And as much as I don't like the fact that it took me so long to record it and get it out, it's nice to have so many different things documented over the years. But there is so many overlaps, so many ties in that it just does feel like. A piece of work and the piece of work I was aiming towards as a debut album.

Absent Sounds: How do you think it would've turned out if you had finished it, let's say two years earlier? Or what do you think it would've looked like?

Derek Inver: I think it would've felt unfinished. And I hate that because I would've loved to have got it out two years earlier. That was the plan. If anything, it was three years earlier. But it is right that it just comes together when it comes together. And I think what it ended up being fell together at the last minute really. 'cause it wasn't that long before that I'd decided to scrap the album and just released the songs. And then I it did come together very naturally. And it feels it feels right as a debut, it feels like it did what I needed it to do and what I needed to get out.

Absent Sounds: With the title Island Perimeter, I read a little bit about it, not a little, I've done my digging on the story behind it, but I'd want you in your own words to just tell us a little bit about it and how it sets the tone for the entire album.

Derek Inver: For me I think the main theme of the album is dissociation and derealization. And I had a particularly scary period of my life where it was bad to a really frightening degree where I didn't really feel like I was in the real world and my vision was different. And the way I perceived everything in front of me was skewed and upside down and quite scary. And for me I wrote along a lot in that period of time about islands because it felt like a sort of place cut off from the world. And I remember, that summer, I spent a lot of time on the beach and kind of felt in my head like I was the only person in the world. Even though there were people around me, I felt separate. I felt like there was a wall up, like a perimeter. And that's what I call it in my own head. Like I felt like I was on an island. And it's weird to describe now that I'm a bit more stable minded, that it felt like that. Like not even as a metaphor, it felt like that for real. I was on an island and I was just cut off from everything. I can picture this circuit around me and this wall around me that felt so disconnected. And that for me, I think as soon as I wrote that song, it became the album title and it became the theme because it just was what I kept coming back to the way I was feeling and how I felt distanced from reality. And that is the theme that runs throughout.

Absent Sounds: And that idea is something that was really a poignant to me as well, because I remember a few months ago when I was doing art therapy for a little bit, she had asked me- how would you draw it out, like visually where you feel like you are? And I remember telling her oh, it feels like there's an island and then there's like a hole in the island, and then I'm inside the hole and there's these floors. And then, I can hear people far away, but I can't see them. And I think that idea, or the visual aspect of your album at least definitely was something that resonated with me too. It's a poignant feeling too. It's very visceral. I'm curious though, about even you mentioning being able to reflect back on it now because you're in a more stable place, it does feel a little bit different than being in that space and then explaining it- I guess I'll give like more context. For me, last night I was going through some videos of my old self like a few years ago, and I was just listening to myself talk about some things I was struggling with and how I was feeling. And right now the emotions don't feel as bright. It doesn't feel as painful. It doesn't hurt as much. And so I almost wonder if not to minimize how I was feeling back then, but then it almost doesn't feel as real. And so when you go back now and you think about that time, do you ever feel like you're gonna do a disservice to yourself by thinking, not that you're gonna minimize the way that you were feeling, but it's almost, it's really not tangible anymore. I'm losing that feeling now.

Derek Inver: yeah, it definitely is interesting. I think especially 'cause I haven't spoken about it for a little while. And yeah, I think when I really journey back in my mind it's almost as if you're talking about character and talking about someone else. I would say in some ways it's quite a relief to be. In that place because I remember how detached I was. But I also know that I found that it's something I've spoken about a lot, how my dissociation became something really inspiring to me. And I think through the work I did, because I tried so hard to escape it and I was more fearful of it because I was trying to run away from it. Whereas after a while, I let it in. And I think it was actually during this album process that I decided to let it in and that's when I started to draw it and imagine up these worlds that I felt like I was in and turned it into something beautiful. 'cause I was just like, I'm not gonna get out of it right now, so I'll just make the most of it. So there is something nice on looking back at that as well because I still feel like I'm in that space. Like I still have my dissociative episodes and I think they're very different to how they were back then. And it's nice to look back at that song, which I think was the moment for me that changed things. I was trying to write about something for a particular reason to get it out. Something that was terrifying to me. But getting it out in that way turned into something else that then became, an album and a project and something now that I look at as a creative world that inspires me still.

Absent Sounds: Do you ever fear that you're prolonging it by it own in depth?

Derek Inver: Yeah.I don't really know. I think there's always that risk. I think as cheesy as it might sound I do think it's turned out in my head to be my purpose to explore these things, and I think exploring them in a way that's less harmful to me. I guess I don't really have a problem with, I think the way of turning that around into something enjoyable and beautiful then I guess turned it into a positive experience. So maybe that is something I wanna prolong. But yeah, it's something that's always just felt like a natural purpose in myself to explore and be over analytical to my own detriment a lot of the time. But I think I'm finally figuring out how to explore those things within my creative endeavors, but in a way that is not so harmful.

Absent Sounds: To get a little even further deeper into it, one thing that I'd seen you mention was that describing the completion of Island Pyramid as like a profound release and the weight to let go of all of some emotional weight that you'd been carrying. Do you know where the root of that weight was coming from? And also is that something that you're still shedding now?

Derek Inver: I think it really was. I think for me, I noticed it again recently when I received the physical copies, the vinyls of the album, and I think I had a real moment when I held it for the first time and felt that weight lift. I think the past and sort of previous experiences in the industry and being treated quite badly and like an object and maybe not an object, but a brand or something. Just not treated like a person really. And I think for me, the main reason this album was so important was to be able to leave that behind and to be able to have my full creative control and rediscover myself from the people around me back then who made me a shell of who I was. So the album has been huge for me. It's been very therapeutic and it's made me rediscover myself as a human being that I feel like I haven't maybe done before. And so I think as well, for me it was just a real moment of pride because I think I can be my harshest critic. And I think I really did feel it this time that I was just like, I made a decision to leave a toxic situation and I didn't necessarily get the support that I needed or wanted at that time from people around me. Because I think people didn't get it and people didn't understand. And I think a lot of people still don't. And I think to spend those years working so hard to start again and create something with wonderful people, but also a lot of time and effort myself, that was a real moment of a bit of a middle finger to everyone from the past. And that was very empowering. And I think it's really set me up for what's next. 'cause I'm done with that now. It was everything it needed to be and more. And I didn't necessarily think or care about where it went, what it did, where it got me. I just needed that record to be a healing process. And it's been more than I could have expected, I think. And that's something I'm very proud of because it was myself that got me there.

Absent Sounds: And you could say you did it for yourself. Talking about collaboration, some of the people that we have written down, Misha Phillips, Jamie Moore, Leo Clark, you mentioned before in the past how they've helped you bring your vision to life. Was that a conscious decision to let them in, to let these people, these specific individuals?

Derek Inver: Yeah, it was. I dunno if it was a conscious decision. I think it just came about that way. I think it was a good challenge for me on this album to work with others because I've been a very Introverted person who loves to have full control and work completely myself. And so it was nice to collaborate with people I trusted. Particularly with Jamie Moore who join me fairly on in the project and started playing live with me. And I think just in terms of production I don't have the know-how and the knowledge. I have an ear and I have what I can do and what I never will be able to or just not interested enough in or can't understand. And we were a good team working together on like filling in the gaps in that way. And he's also a wonderful guitar player. I had Misha playing drums on a few tracks. He was just really a wonderful person and musician, Leo as well, who I'd played with in the past who was bassist. Everyone just made it really easy. Everyone was just really wonderful to work with, but also felt like there was no sort of taking over and taking control. It was literally just what can we do to add to what you already have? And yeah, it was all just a very pleasant experience with people that I loved working with.

Absent Sounds: Do you think the positive experience of working with those people also reflects back into your life, if you are open with other people and sharing what you're going through or things that you're working on?

Derek Inver: That's interesting. Actually, that's maybe something I need to think more on. I don't know. I guess it's difficult. I think in some ways I do detach a little bit from the emotional side of my music once it's written. I think the writing process, which I do very much myself is that real delving and deep diving and going into the hard stuff. And I think once it's done, I dunno if I just switch off to the emotional side of things and then it becomes a little bit more like a song. Let's make this something. So I don't know. I think I've always been a very open person with the people in my life to an extent. But at the same time I think I could still be very vulnerable in music and, I put a lot in, but there's a lot masked as well, so I don't know. More to think of on that one, I think.

Absent Sounds: Specifically to get more into the track listing starting with Island Perimeter, the title track, obviously. There's a part where you say, why not call it, why not call it Bliss? I think theres a lot in the song about how you shift your perspective on it. It's like, why not call it bliss? Why not just accept the island perimeter feeling or just, really let yourself be in that space instead of running away, like you were mentioning before. And I guess we were curious if there's other places in your life where you feel like you've allowed yourself to do the same thing where you accept that feeling and instead of running away from it, you just embrace it almost.

Derek Inver: I think one thing that I find in my music is a lot of the time the advice I write is to myself as much as anyone else. And that is definitely something I did with the dissociation. And I think it's something I still strive for. I think it's something I really aim for in all aspects, whether it's depression or career or just self-esteem or anything. It's my advice to myself that it's all relative, it's all perspective. And however you feel you're gonna see more of that. It's something that I'm trying to get better at in all aspects. That it's like you can get back the control and the power to be able to shift your perspective into turning your world into the way you want it to be.

Absent Sounds: And mentioning turning your world into what you, what it could be or, I like that idea in tandem with Wrong Color. I think when I first heard this track, I remember specifically being on a bus going to the middle of nowhere and it felt like it was a very big perspective shift for me too. But also not just the name. I was curious if you started writing the song back in 2018 [with the Blog, Wrong Colour] or if there were sort of two ideas separately that sort of came again.

Derek Inver: Yeah, I think the sort of blog and the mental health thing came first 'cause it had a different name. I can't remember what it was. And then I think that Wrong color came about the following year, I think around the time of a few of these other songs. And it just fits so well with the way I feel like depression feels. Nothing looks right, everything looks wrong. You can't see things for what they are because everything is seen through whatever glass you're looking through, whatever your feelings are.

Absent Sounds: I started thinking of it too in the sense where everything feels wrong, but I don't know what it is and I can't figure out like even what's wrong with me, but there's something off. The decapitated feeling, I don't know how else to describe it, but Yeah.

Derek Inver: Yeah, absolutely. That's exactly what it is to me as well. It's that lack of understanding and frustration. The word wrong just sums up so much for me. It's just everything feeling wrong and not really knowing why that is and that feeling wrong in itself.

Absent Sounds: Gonna continue on with the further into the next track, which is I'll Play You Out. ft Bess Atwell. I think this is the first song that I heard from you. And I just kept playing it over and over again definitely think it was a track that was needed at the point and in life when it found me, because I was going through something similar. It was almost too on point. Where I am right now, I feel like I'm still haunted by dreams of this person. I feel like I'm going insane. But there’s the idea that I have some power, I'm not just a passive participant of this thing that happened, but also I'm gonna, I'll play you out. Goodbye. Farewell. I have a choice. I'm taking you out.

Derek Inver: That sum it up quite nicely in a way. I think for me it's like your personal empowerment and closure that I couldn't get closure in a particular relationship. And so I think that song was my way of making that happen in a way I knew it never would, and I think that's something a lot of people can relate to. This is one of those songs where I really, I don't often delve into too much about the specific situation. The biggest thing for me that the song's about is like how much that particular situation turned my world upside down. Because I think there's just certain people in your life that you know are always gonna be there. And losing someone that you were so sure about can really mess you up and just make you think, if the one thing I knew was real isn't real then what is? And that tunnel, it took me down. And I think the song was important for me to write in that way of letting go. And I didn't want to let go, but I had to look at it with a realistic point of view that it was just like, this isn't gonna happen. And even though you don't wanna let go, you have to be able to move on yourself. And yeah, again, I think just taking things into your own hands,

Absent Sounds: Definitely. What you were saying about how if the one thing that you were so sure about is shaken, then what else? How can you really trust anything else that you say you're sure about or feel certain about? How do you even trust yourself at that point?

Derek Inver: Yeah. Trust is a good word. I think that's what it comes down to. You can't trust your own judgment. You can't trust, how do you trust other people in your life? Yeah. It's a difficult thing to navigate.

Absent Sounds: There's a small quote that I wanna rea. What you said just sparked it in my head. I think it was two nights ago I was reading a Cocktail Party by TS Elliot, and one of the girls is saying, “or what in me was loving, I don't know. And if that is all meaningless, I want to be cured of a craving for something I cannot find, and of the shame of never finding it, can you cure me?” And then later on she says, “I don't know in the least what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, but there's nothing else to do. And that's the only reason. But I know it's, it is I who have made the decision.” So I think on two aspects, it's like the idea that I know that I have made the decision to move on, but also the idea that sometimes a lot of the times it felt like- If I am incapable of finding this thing, I feel so ashamed. Like wow, maybe there's something wrong with me that I wasn't able to find this thing with this person. And maybe this thing doesn't even exist and now I'm just like wandering in a forest of woods and I'm like looking for something around me that I don't even know is there, or if I'll ever find it again. [Weadee speaking now] I did have one last question about this, because I always hate the quote, I don't remember who it's by, but she was saying, “you expect to have closure as if your life is some story or fairytale.” And it was I was so mad when I read that. But on the other hand, how do you reconcile that desire of wanting closure and knowing that you're not gonna get it? Is there something that really helps you let go of that desire?

Derek Inver: I dunno. I feel like I changed a lot as a person throughout that experience because I think I had to really take in someone else's experience and really respect someone else's process. And I do think I can be someone who loves to be in control of a situation. I think that's why something like this would hurt me more. But I think stepping back from it and knowing that everyone's got their own side of things, and I think as well, just like being more humbled to the fact that you don't know everything and you don't know anything. More than that I was never gonna have full control over a situation where there were two people- that's never gonna happen. And I had to deal with it in my way. There's still a part of you that always holds onto maybe that happening one day. But it's not up to you, it's up to both of you. So I had to do it in my own way and there are more songs coming about it as well. [Hit Zero plays]

Derek Inver: I think Hit Zero is about burning desire and in many shapes and forms about maybe for things that aren't particularly good for you. And just still fighting to have that excitement and that that dark underbelly of life. And I think just exploring that in secrecy in a way. And I think just wanting absolutely everything. I think about how the main line in it is, “there's always something to stay bad for.” There's always a reason to smoke, to take drugs, to drink, to have sex. There's always a place for that. But I think a lot of the time I've tried to move into a different lifestyle and live more peacefully and I guess settle down in a way. But it always comes back. Those things, there's always gonna be an occasion. There's always gonna be something you want to do that is maybe damaging for you or, but the temptation of it is always so seductive. And I think that's the main element of the song.

Absent Sounds: Yeah. For a while I used to tell myself that sometimes if I have to do whatever I have to do to get out of this place, then it's okay. But I guess you realize that there's consequences outside of just this one scenario that you're living in. It's not just a silo. I'm curious about what prompted you to want to change. I know it can be difficult to even want to change. To want to get better. I want to get to a place where I wanna make the conscious decision to be different. So how did you get to that point?

Derek Inver: I've struggled with addiction for a long time. And it really came to a head in 2018 where I was very unwell. I think going into recovery was a new chapter of my life. It was looking towards something different, maybe getting a bit older and feeling I wanted to just purely do things that were good for me and live a healthy lifestyle and I think maybe make my life smaller. And the problem is those desires had nowhere to go. They were still very much there. Aside from the drinking drugs, it was the lifestyle and just the excitement. I think a change of pace in life, which I think is important. I think balance is important. And I think when you first go into recovery, you are so focused because it's so new and it's refreshing. But then after a while you suddenly get a little bit bored and you. I realized that you could get away with this or you could get away with that and you always think that you can have it. I think it's just the classic case of being an addict of your own worst enemy. And you'll talk yourself into thinking that something is the best idea when you know it's the worst idea, but you'll believe it so hard because you want to, and that's the trickiest thing about addiction, is feeling like you're splitting. You are the angel and the devil on your shoulder, but the devil is the one that wants what you want at the heart of things.

Absent Sounds: [Playing the track Resubmerge] It's such a haunting song. What did you feel like you were resubmerging into at that point?

Derek Inver: I think this was a strange one because I think this was almost like a collage that I threw together. I was just playing around with a piece that I was writing and then another song that I was writing and put them together and actually only rediscovered it as I was putting the album together and realized that it just was the perfect final piece because it fits so well in the middle.

Absent Sounds: Like an interlude almost.

Derek Inver: Yeah, exactly. As an interlude. That kind of, I think it definitely ties the first part of the album to the second part of the album.

Absent Sounds: Yeah.

Derek Inver: And it also thematically is, I've forgotten what it's about. I think it's about the mundane of everything we've been talking about, I think of that life of recovery that seems so magic and heavenly like Garden of Eden kind of thing, just these bright colors and everything. But you realize that everything falls flat and Resubmerge was about going up and down and up and down of getting yourself into a good place and then realizing that you actually want what's down there. And I think just boredom in a way. I think the main part of the song is more of the same, which is quite repetitive. I think it's about that place. I've always described a sort of alcohol or drug high as being on another floor and having this other flaw to my life where it was just something different. It was a different change and would take me somewhere else for a while. And being constantly on that one floor in recovery gets old. I think Wrong Colors is the same as it was about the monotony of day-to-day things and lacking that excitement even though you know that excitement is not gonna be good for you.

Absent Sounds: There's a brutal truth to a lot of what you're saying as you were talking. I'm not someone who's in recovery for drug and alcohol addiction or anything. But for me, when I first heard the song, a lot of the things that it came back to was not only the idea of the island and the floors that I had mentioned at the start, but I was on the very bottom of it and I didn't really- it's like when you're in a depressive state and then you sometimes finally feel this clarity of wow, I am outside of it now. But then you slip back into it and you're like, wait, I'm not sure how I found the exit and I don't remember where the door handle is, where is the top of this? How do I get outta this thing again? At least that's, for me, that was what brought a lot of it out for me.

Derek Inver: That's exactly it. I think with Resubmerge and with Wrong Color, like Wrong Color, the chorus is split, second drift gone in a flash before the reality hit, which is basically about the same thing of just an image of struggling underwater and like you have that brief moment where you can breathe above it and before you know it, you're back down again. And I just think it's that thing of just being like, why can I never stay above the surface? Why do I always end up back down here and how can I learn more about what got me there and what can keep me there?

Absent Sounds: That kind of reminds me of that idea of life jackets. Whenever Weajue and I are feeling pretty low, there's always this idea that you're constantly treading water, but then looking for different life jackets to help you stay floating for a little while or driftwood or something that'll help you for a little bit. I wanna ask what are those life jackets in your life that you have?

Derek Inver: I do think my creativity is probably the biggest one. I do get a lot of joy from being on my own and getting in that place where you get really lost in something. And, like I was saying earlier, I'm finding more of a place in my personal life and my relationships with people are so important to me. And I think one thing that has been incredibly important the past couple of years is finding that excitement outside of substance use. That has been very important to me. I think when I say about how I tried to settle down into a quiet life, that was something I needed to try, but it wasn't the right thing to do. Just because I couldn't have those certain things, it didn't mean I couldn't have the life that goes alongside it. And so I have to say my sort of my lifestyle and my festivals and nightlife is actually really important to me, especially in the queer scene. It's a very important thing and is very important for your identity. And I think when you've got those two things together, you have to be able to be a creative person, you have to live your life because otherwise you've got nothing to be creative about. And so that balance for me is what keeps me, it's what keeps me going.

Absent Sounds: If you're writing or if you're working on other projects, how do you write about difficult emotions like shame or self-hatred without letting it consume you at this point in your life?

Derek Inver: I think it just becomes a desperate point where you have to. I have to write about it or express it in some way. I think it's all I can do really. The thing for me as well is, particularly with a song like this, I don't ever write the song thinking about what it's gonna become. Or whether someone's gonna enjoy it or whether someone's gonna buy it. Or whether it'll be playing on the radio. I think for me, the writing comes first and it's needs to come out of me. It like poison. I think that was almost what I was writing about in the song, was just like getting that poison out of you. And I think for me, once I've written those things down, they don't need to go anywhere else. They might turn into something and a lot of the time I'll read something and I would know there's a song there. But that's just like the extra step of sort, getting yourself out of it. But for me, I think it's always come fairly natural to me to write about the darker aspects of my life because of exactly that- I write to remove them from my head and not necessarily to turn them into something. I think it does help me to think from the beginning of the process that no one has to hear this. Like you don't have to share it. You can sometimes change a line or two if you're uncomfortable about it. There's no definitive moment where you have to spread your life out in front of everyone, like each step of the way you are in control of that. And I think that helps me.

Absent Sounds: What did lead you into sharing the song?

Derek Inver: It's a good question. Because I actually shared it really quick. I shared a demo of it before, before I even created the, what it came to be. But again, I think I shared it at a time where. I felt like no one was listening to me. And I think now that more people are starting to, I still have those moments where I think, do you realize that song's on your record? But at the same time, I do think the way my creative process works is it does, if something starts to become something that I like musically I think it can shift and take shape into something different where I'll always make sure maybe I'm not giving too much away. I think it's always good to never share too much of yourself. You can always share more, but you can never take away. But it's a song I love and it's a song I'm proud of and it's a difficult one for me, but I think particularly now. I think at the time I am surprised I shared it in a way, but I shared it in quite an abstract form. And it's definitely something I'm quite proud of. Whereas back then I think I still had shame. As I was writing the song, I was only just getting rid of it. But again, I look back and I know that song was so healing for me that I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't have written it. And probably if I hadn't have released it, to be honest. Because it resonated with people in a way I didn't expect it to. And it resonated with certain people that I didn't think it would resonate with as well. So that's been quite a beautiful thing,

Absent Sounds: Man. Yeah there's such a power in sharing your story or being vulnerable in that aspect. Like wow, I didn't know that someone else needed this too.

Derek Inver: Yeah, exactly. I think that's it. I think it's just writing a song about something that I felt so deeply rotten inside for, and then releasing it and realizing that other people are there as well. Maybe not in the same situation, but the same emotions. Or getting some of what you're saying that you feel less repulsed. I suppose because you realize you're just human.

Absent Sounds: The second question that I wanted to ask about this was about the line- If you're light now you're light forever. Because I do feel like that's such a song that can be so heavy in ways that's almost like this little flicker flick or something that flares up.

Derek Inver: I think I always enjoy singing that line for that reason, because I do feel that, and it was very much about if you get past these things; if you get past your past and if you can truly move on from it, then it doesn't come back. If you really heal and if you really get past these difficult things and you be kind to yourself and forgive yourself of things, then that's done. And that was the idea of it, of just being like, if you let this weight go, it's gone for good. And that was an affirmation of trying to push yourself towards it, knowing that you don't need to hold this. It's not real. It's all made up in your head and if you let go of it. You won't have to worry about it anymore.

Absent Sounds: Healing doesn't mean that you won't experience the same things again. It just means that it won't have the same hold on you again. I think it just goes back to what you're talking about of how if you move past it, that it'll never have the same weight to it again.

Derek Inver: It is exactly what you said. It's just that it won't have the same hold, and it will just be another step towards letting that go.

Absent Sounds: Take another step further down into, Not Today. What would you say this song says about your relationship with time?

Derek Inver: I think in terms of my relationship with time, it almost makes me a bit upset thinking about this song because it's something I still relate to that when I'm feeling particularly low or struggling. I think I can waste time and it's not something I like to take for granted at the same time. Sometimes you do need that time. But yeah it's something I'm working on. I think you're always gonna need those moments to lay low and put yourself away from others and away from the world. But I think trying to minimize that time a bit and live a bit more in the present moment and appreciate time. That's something that's really important to me, especially since turning 30. I think that's what it says about my relationship with time.

Absent Sounds: I feel 30 is like the big looming number for a lot of people. It's once you pass 30, you pass this benchmark of, I have to get my life together.

Derek Inver: Yeah. A lot of people I talk to that are older always say that 30 was that for them. It feels so big at the time but it's not, it's just that its the time to get things in perspective, I think a bit and know what you want, know what you appreciate and that's why time for me is something that's very important, not something that I wanna waste.

Absent Sounds: That kind of takes us into our last track, which is How Good it Gets. I don't know. When you were mentioning the idea of passing the benchmark of 30, it just reminded me of the idea that sometimes I feel like I wanna skip ahead to that. I'll write future letters to myself and it'll be for when I'm 30 years old, when I'm like 40 because I feel like I wanna skip ahead to that part where I feel like things are hopefully better. Hopefully settled. I don't know. Although I guess you never really reach there. In fact I actually opened the letters because I was like, you know what? I don't even know if I'm gonna live till I'm 30, so lemme just open them now. But yeah, tell us a little bit about the song and also let us know if it ever gets better if you skipped ahead.

Derek Inver: Yeah, I've never been a fan of the phrase ‘things get better’ because I think it's quite passive. And I think things will get better if you do the right things and look after yourself and follow the right path. But that is why I wrote this song, because I think my life has changed in ways I never thought it would. I really struggled as a teenager. I never really saw my life past 18. And had that been something that happened, there's stuff I never saw coming. There's a joy that I never really knew I could feel again. And that's something I massively hold onto. And I think that the line in this song is my favorite from the album which is someday, you won't believe how good it gets. I think it's incredibly true. Like you can look at it from both sides. There's always gonna be a time in future where you're really gonna struggle. No matter what, there's always gonna be something incredibly positive at some point in your future that is worth waiting around for, even through the darkest times. I think weirdly, this song might sound one of the gloomiest on the album, but it's really positive. It's a mantra I truly believe in and that I've seen for myself as someone who never thought I would, that there is so much out there. And I think as well, particularly the unpredictability of life, I think especially when you're a bit younger, you can always see your path mapped out in a few different ways. I think year by year as I get older, I realize that there's so much I did not see coming. There's parts of myself I didn't see coming. There's people in my life I didn't see coming. There's so much there that you can never predict, that you do not know that in a month's time, your life could have completely flipped. I just think anything is possible, and I do definitely have a bit more of a positive outlook on life than I once did, and that's why I thought it was nice to end with this song. I think it ties everything nicely together where it's quite dark. It's a particular period in my life that things were really hard, but I think it is also the last song I wrote for the album. So it pinpointed what's to come and a new era and a lighter time in my life.