Hannah: Hey, my name's Hannah from Fanclubwallet, and lately I've been sitting with an early midlife crisis.

Weadee: Early crisis?

Hannah: Yeah. The quarter life crisis.

Weadee: What are the signs of a quarter life crisis for you?

Hannah: Taking on too many hobbies and not making any money.

Weajue: I think a lot of your hobbies expand the universe of Fanclubwallet, though.

Hannah: I think that's true. I just got a 3D printer for Christmas and I'm making keychains. Now I'm learning how to airbrush.

Weadee: What does it look like to live while dying? How does that show up day to day?

Hannah: Hobbies. Keeping yourself busy enough to not think about what could happen to you.

Weadee: When you say soldiering on, it's also that thing you mentioned in an interview about knowing you're going to come back to that place again.

Hannah: Yeah. I feel like everything I do in my life is through almost a positive nihilism lens. Well, it doesn't matter if I lose all my money now because I'll just be dead eventually. But like, okay, it was fun.

Weadee: I was asking a friend how much of my future happiness am I willing to give up just so I feel okay right now.

Hannah: I'm bad for that. I need new bedsheets. I spend so much time in my bed. When my friends want to buy something and ask if they should do it, I always say yes.

Weadee: How do you let people into the world of Fanclubwallet? Lower the drawbridge?

Hannah: Social media is a huge part of it. Posting on my stories and being like, this thing just happened to me, does this happen to anybody else? And not being embarrassed. Zero embarrassment. You get people responding and they're coming into your little world. I feel like I have so many friends from that, just from one conversation about something.

Weadee: The commiseration. And allowing yourself to not be embarrassed, because the people that come to you without you masking are the people who genuinely like the real version of you.

Hannah: Yeah, for sure.

Weadee: You started a Substack. I think it's really cool when you're just like, I don't know what I'm doing sometimes.

Hannah: Oh, thank you.

Weadee: What does it look like figuring that out on a first headlining tour?

Hannah: It's definitely scary. We're taking a plane for the first time. I don't like flying. I don't think you're supposed to be in the air. But it's cool to play a headlining tour, it's not something I ever thought I'd do. And even if not a lot of people come, the people that do are there for you.

Weadee: Your music goes across a lot of cool genres, and then there's the comics and visual work too. How do those worlds compare for you?

Hannah: I always say that if I can't make a comic about something, I'll write a song about it. And if I can't write a song about it, it ends up in a comic. It's just all the different parts of my emotions, and some of them fit better in one place than another.

Weadee: Do you feel more protective over any side of yourself than the other?

Hannah: Restarting the Substack was actually horrifying. I'm not a writer. Writing anything without pictures or music behind it is very scary. Everything else I don't really care about. But writing bare is different.

Weadee: That's interesting to hear from someone who writes lyrical music. How is the Substack worse?

Hannah: You're kind of hiding behind the curtain of music because not everybody listens to lyrics. Not everyone's cluing into what I'm actually saying. My roommate listened to one of my songs and was like, I finally listened to the lyrics and that sounds really, really sad. And I was like, yeah, it is. But with the Substack I feel like there's nothing I'm good at to layer it with. If it was just straight up reading my lyrics with nothing behind it, I'd be uncomfortable.

Weadee: Third grade is when I heard you met a lot of your bandmates.

Hannah: Yeah.

Weadee: How is it working with people who know your history, as part of the project?

Hannah: Honestly, it's very beautiful. I just feel super comfortable with them. They're like my arms and legs. I could be writing about something, a lyric about walking behind the grocery store on the train tracks, and they're like, oh, I know what you're talking about. They can get into my visual mind. I feel like they can see through my third eye.

Weadee: Is home always going to kind of be Ottawa?

Hannah: Home is Nepean, Ottawa. Green Bank Square, the Brass Monkey, Ikea. Yeah, for sure.

Weadee: Coming back to the darkness this album lives in. What are you seeing around you in that place?

Hannah: The album kind of exists in the house I grew up in, in my bedroom. My bed was on the floor by choice. And it's a lot of walking around at night in the suburbs. You can do so much thinking about your life in a quiet suburb under some orange light, before they put in all the fluorescent ones.

Weadee: Is there something you're scratching at in your brain that you haven't found the words for yet, that you want to communicate through music?

Hannah: I'm just scratching at the feeling of getting older but feeling like a child. Feeling stunted and not sure what to do next.